Monday, February 23, 2009

First appointment....blah!

I had my first OB appointment this morning and it was a blah experience to say the least. They did a ton of blood work and took my history and then told me to come back in April! Now if I hadn't just had two miscarriages in the last few months that probably would have been fine, but I just had a miscarriage in January and I am NOT emotionally over it. I just need the reassurance that everything is OK and that the baby is growing and going to stick. No one seems to understand this though. My husband and mother are both of the mindset that what will happen will happen and I just need to relax and let it happen. Why can people not see that that option is the most painful option of all? To let my guard down and then have my heart ripped out again....I honestly don't think that I am strong enough to go through that all over again. By keeping my guard up I know that if I lose the baby it is still going to hurt but maybe just maybe I can shield myself from some of the pain. To start thinking about what this baby is...give him/her a name and start thinking about the nursery and the future and then to have it all ripped away from me while dealing with uncaring and unemotional Dr's I think that might just break me this time around.

I am going to enjoy the next few weeks and try not to think about anything other than the day I am currently in. I will be praying that I make it to April 3rd, but I will defiantly not be taking it as a given that I will ever make that appointment.

1 comments on "First appointment....blah!"

Melanie on February 28, 2009 at 8:13 AM said...

I understand what you are going through. I had a miscarriage and everyone (unless it has happened to them) doesn't understand that you are already a mom to that child and it is easy to say don't worry when it isn't yourself you know. (I remember being a basketcase after the miscarriage for like way over 6 takes time to mentally heal from the lose.) They don't mean any harm, they want to be helpful. I had a miscarriage and a few years later...pregnant again (was nervous all the way until I held my son!). I do know, that you will have to try to calm down some for the sake of the baby as well. I am not a doctor, just telling you from my experience. The further along you get the better and more comfortable you will be. I remember, the sicker I was, the happier I was because I knew everything was alright. :-)


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